Reverse Pines One- Shots
by clicheusername1234
Summary: I love this AU so much that I made a one- shot collection for it. This works basically the same as my other one- shot collection, What If?, in that you can request situations or just read my spontaneous updates. Except for this story, everything in the Reverse Pines AU. If you're unfamiliar with this awesome spin on the show, I recommend you inform yourself before reading.
1. Introduction by Mabel Gleeful

_Hello, reader._

Hah, I didn't see you there at first! Why don't you just sit down… here, take my hand, don't be frightened…

That's _perfect_.

Would you like a refreshment? We have water and a few bread crumbs in the back room, I think…

No? Your loss.

My name is Mabel Gleeful and this is my brother Dipper, and we'd like to cordially welcome you to the Tent of Telepathy!

Tent of Telepathy!

There was supposed to be a confetti cannon after I said that.

_Annnyway_, we're the famous- or infamous, depends how you look at it- mystery twins of Gravity Falls! You may have read about us in the Gossiper, or seen us on the news, or read about us in the creepier, deeper parts of the internet, but we are most definitely a prominent pair.

It's really no surprise you turned up here, reader. Most people in this town do.

So, to begin this eveni-

_Ka- boom!_

And _that_ was the confetti cannon. Forgive my brother, reader, he is not as –capable- as I am.

As I was saying, you're here for one- shots? Great.

Welcome to the Reverse Pines AU, reader.

Have a _killer_ time.

**A/N: I love this AU so much, I gave it a separate one- shot collection. If you don't know much about the Reverse Pines AU, I recommend that you look at the tag on tumblr or search it on google. You know, the logical things to do. **

**Go wild with the requests. I'm looking forward to writing them. **


	2. A Pile of Weapons

"I just love tea, don't you?"

Mabel Gleeful, a sixteen- year- old soothsayer in a leotard and jacket, sits across from her twin brother Dipper in their dimly- lit backstage room. She passes him a teacup and a bag of pomegranate tea, which was imported from Columbia to Gravity Falls, Oregon. Dipper mixes the strong herbal solvent into boiling water and takes a sip.

"As always, sister," says Dipper, a beanpole with shaggy brown hair and a fully exposed birthmark. He wears a bolo tie and a blue dress shirt, tasteful but somehow rugged.

"And tonight's performance? Top- notch!" exclaims Mabel, sloshing a bit of tea on the white tablecloth.

"Yes, yes! What a surly, rumple- tugging, exquisite-"

"Bro, it was _fabulous_. But I'm tired of talking like a pompous freak," Mabel says, grinning.

"As always," says Dipper.

The twins laugh and look around their backstage area. Ticket stubs, clothing, and magic props haphazardly litter the floor, along with an impressively large haul of knives, swords, and maces. What activities exactly occur in this room are hard to describe, but most volunteers to the Tent of Telepathy find themselves back here at some point.

"Should we… clean this up?" asks Mabel, trying to keep a straight face.

"Yeah, that would be the right thing to do…" says Dipper.

The twins burst out laughing again, but freeze as they hear high heels clacking into the room.

"Sorry to interrupt whatever this is, but we have a problem," says Wendy Corduroy, the twins' manager and representative. She's only eighteen, but already has a large part in maintaining a huge business- the Tent of Telepathy. Today, she has her red hair tied in an impossible tight bun and wears a cream- colored pantsuit. Wendy's defining quality is definitely the fact that she cares- _a lot_.

"What's the situation, Wend- o?" asks Dipper, sauntering over and putting an arm around her. Wendy smacks him with her clipboard.

"Your security review is tomorrow," says Wendy, surveying the state of the room. "And if anyone from local government sees the items you keep back here, then this place is as good as ashes."

"How do you know that we do anything bad here?" asks Mabel innocently. Wendy groans and picks up a samurai sword, caked with blood.

"_I _don't want to know what you did with this, but the government representative will. Just get rid of this junk for a day and then you can go back to being filthy little animals. The reps are going to every Gravity Falls establishment, so they won't be too thorough. "

Mabel and Dipper stay still.

"_Now!_"

Wendy storms out of the room, slamming the door in her wake.

"So…" says Mabel coolly, pulling on her jacket.

"We could ask Soos to help us?"

"Nah, he'd just end up playing with the karaoke set."

"We could ask our special friend?"

"There you go."

Mabel walks over to a set of cabinets hidden by far too many feather boas. She opens the top drawer and brings a sealed jar over to the table.

"Wake up, we have a job for you!" she yells, knocking on the glass.

Slowly, a paper- thin yellow triangle peels itself from the bottom.

"Yes, Miss Gleeful?" asks Bill Cipher timidly. The dream demon was always a disappointment in the omniverse… and then he was captured by two insane teenagers.

"How are we supposed to get rid of this stuff temporarily?"

"You're rich. Just put it in a warehouse,"

"How about a _magic_ solution? You _are_ magic, come on!" Mabel whines.

"I- I don't know…"

"Looks like Billy has some performance anxiety, Mabel," says Dipper, picking up the jar. He shoves it back in the drawer. "Hopefully darkness will help him figure it out."

"Ugh! There has to be some way to avoid working!" shouts Mabel, putting her hand to her illuminated amulet. Dipper smacks it away.

"That's petty and cheap, and you know it. Our powers are only for cool stuff, that's why we have Bill to pick up the slack."

"Wait," says Mabel suddenly. "I've got it!"

"Do tell."

"Well, you know how every establishment is being monitored?"

"Yeah?"

"We can plant all of our illegal stuff at the Mystery Shack. That way, those two idiots Pacifica and Gideon will be arrested and we can take over their property-"

"And continue our search for the journals!"

"I am a genius, Dipper."

"As always."

The twins laugh evilly towards the ceiling in true villain fashion. Mabel begins to choke, and spits out a white feather.

"I hate those boas."

THE NEXT MORNING

"Bud, Pacifica's here!" Gideon Pines yells up the stairs of the Mystery Shack.

"She can come in, but she has to help clean! The examiner is coming in a few hours!"

Gideon runs to the door, excited as always to see his best friend. While Gideon is only staying with his great uncle for the summer, Pacifica Northwest is a permanent resident of Gravity Falls. Her family is pretty poor but she's a great thrift shopper, and she's basically Gideon's only friend.

"Gid! What is up?" she asks, embracing the chubby little thirteen- year- old. Pacifica is sixteen, the same age as local villians and all- around horrible people Mabel and Dipper Pines. Gideon knows that she has some history with Mabel, but Pacifica is very guarded about it. Fortunately, that's the _only_ thing she's guarded about.

"You like my new jacket?" asks the peppy blonde, spinning around in a colorblocked windbreaker. Gideon smiles.

"Yeah! Are you ready to help out? There's someone coming to make sure Bud doesn't have anything dangerous in the Shack, so-"

"Well then you've got a big problem, because there's a huge pile of weapons, bombs, and bear traps on your front yard."

"What?"

"Check it out!"

The friends run to the totem pole, which leans over a mass of sharp and harmful devices.

"_Dang_," says Gideon, nervously picking up a machete.

"You know who did it?" asks Pacifica, looking at her reflection in a butcher's knife.

"Those Gleefuls just can't leave us alone, Pac…" says Gideon, "what did we even do to them?"

"Well, let me see… I broke Dipper's fragile little baby heart, you stole their journal, and we stole food from their concert that one time."

"Oh, yeah."

"Well, what do we do?" asks Pacifica, looking at the nearby forest. "We could just hide them in the shrubbery-"

"No, we're gonna get payback." says Gideon, rubbing his hands together.

"Oh- ho, hold on. We're better than they are. They're just a pair of spoiled, evil brats with serious bloodlust. We're awesome and genuine, and we're gonna do what's right."

"Which is…?"

THREE HOURS LATER

"Thanks for coming to the Tent of Telepathy!" Wendy shouts to the government car as it drives away. She turns to the twins.

"Can we stop smiling and waving now?" asks Mabel stiffly.

"Yes. How did you manage to clear out all that stuff?"

"We leant it to some friends," Dipper says innocently.

"You two don't have friends, just your pathetic little selves. But for the record, I'm proud of you, whatever you did."

"Proud enough to get dinner with me?" Dipper asks.

"There is no amount of pride that extreme, dork. I've got to go, I'm representing you two at a press conference."

"Bye!" Mabel says as the twins enter their room. The pile of weapons is back, sitting in the middle of the spotless floor and tied with a red ribbon.

"What the he-"

"There's a note," says Dipper.

_You lost this. _

_ Love, Pacifica and Gideon_

_ That "love" was sarcastic, by the way. You two are the worst._

"Huh," says Mabel, picking up a pocketknife and spinning it absentmindedly.

"They're suckers and it's hilarious," says Dipper, cutting the tension.

The twins burst out laughing, harder than ever before.

THAT EVENING

_Ring!_

"I'll get it!" Pacifica yells, getting off of the Mystery Shack couch and running to the door. Gideon laughs at the TV show, Goosetective.

Pacifica rips the door open, but no one is there. She looks down and sees a little red bag with the label "Posh Pomegranite Tea". There's no note attached.

"Hey, Gideon, check it out!" yells Pacifica, bringing it inside. "Fancy powder for drinking!"

The door closes and Mabel steps out of the shadows. She looks at the knob and sighs.

"Thanks, Pacifica," she mutters. She reaches out, but her amulet sends a shock down her spine. Mabel's moment of vulnerability ends. She steps back into the shadows, as always.

**So, this isn't the Reverse Pines you'd probably expect. I took some liberties with the AU, really defining and fleshing out what I want it to be. Although these are one- shots, the relationships between characters will stay consistent. The more of these I write, the more information you will gain about my version of this AU. Feel free to request plausible situations, or ask questions that you want to explore about this new world! Also, I have recorded a small podcast-ey audio author's note, which includes a lot of information about my current status in fanfiction writing. The link is in my bio. As always, thank you for reading and reviewing!**


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